I’ve come to realise the stark contrast between my daily thought processes and my writing. I come here only to seek refuge from the hold that I’m forced to hide in whenever I feel overwhelmingly negative feelings.
And yet I’ve come to realise that it’s not only negative feelings that I am forced to shade. There is this all-consuming notion or idea in my head that is constantly telling me that the world, in it’s broken, corrupt horror, is a beautifully wonderful and happy place.
I can’t seem to shake the feeling that within every conniving, convoluted human being is this strain of goodness, of love. While we all have the capacity for evil, it takes only a little bit of watching and listening to discover that ever-present sliver of righteousness and virtue.
There are so many ways to perceive intention and action but we all create our own. If you believe that every action is performed with selfish prerogatives then perhaps the belief is only applicable to your own intentions. Perspective is the holy grail of the truth because there may be no such thing as the truth.
To write happily is simply more difficult because the emotion is not usually one you wish to express intricately and in detail. It’s just this overwhelming belief and faith that everything will be perfect and that life, in and of itself, does not need to be.
However strongly the loneliness, sadness and fear may plague me, there are so many counter feelings that strengthen my perspective of life and that allow me to create a beautifully rose-tinted vision of my existence.
And so my only writing goal for this coming year is that my expression changes and that I become more willing and able to express the joys and perceptions that shape my life to a much greater extent than my drearily melancholy bursts of expression.